This is;

Not. How I thought things were going to be with you.
It seemed like you were more interested in one of my friends than in I.
Maybe it's just because I'm shy, and not too interesting when there's so much going on, I have no room to speak or actually talk to you. Or in general.
Or is it because I messed up prior to this?
What am I even chasing? Someone please let me in on this, because I always get lost in my own thoughts to where I don't even know what I'm doing.
I was legitimately hunting for you, because I wanted to be with you. Couldn't find you. Then my forgetfulness just ultimately made things no better. Expecting a response from nothingness and all that jazz.
Why can't I just grow up and be the man I want to fucking be to you?
Fuck my shit, right?

I was even warned about you tonight after the fact.
And you know what? It really scares me.
What if things don't change?
If it's me, I want to know. Because now, I am really contemplating if I won't live up to what you think I should be.
You're all I want, so what's wrong with me?
Why can't I give you everything to satisfy your wants and needs?
I don't want to believe this won't go anywhere, but I'm scared I won't be the last one in this.
Why does everyone but me get a bad vibe? I don't get it.
I can't recall the last time I've ever wanted anything this greatly. Which makes the one who warned me happy for me, but they still worry. And I feel worried. I'd like to actually sit and talk and hear from you.

And when I talk to you I don't want to smell that cancer on your fingers.
Maybe that was it. That actually bugged me a lot more than I thought it did.
It was as much what you said after I pointed it out as well.
Is that really why I was so frustrated?
Or was it a combination, because I felt like you were uninterested in me.
I still do to this very moment.
What the fuck is going on?

Brighter side of things, hittin' up both Circa and Sadies this next weekend.
So pumped for that. Gonna wreck.
Especially now that I know my hunch was right, I'm even more excited than I was before.
And how could I know be stoked for that Circa show?
I mean; Circa Survive, Dredg, Codeseven, and Animals As Leaders. (Tosin Abasi FYS)
That'll just feel good to be away.
So good to be away.
I still want to figure out what's going on here, but we'll see.
If I could just have one day with you, maybe I could alter what's going on somehow, make things be working better.
I've said it before and I'll say it again; Fuck not having a license.
I almost think it's just because of what happened. How you said you feel the vibe is different. Is that what is causing this?
Because if i had a car, that probably would have never have happened.
And why were you so bugged by me saying I don't want us to kiss until I can be the only one?
What's even so great about kissing me? You didn't seem that into it whatsoever tonight anyway.
I just confuse myself to easy. I can't stop thinking about it.

You know, I had a dream about you last night.
I was trying to make a move of some sorts, like just putting my arm around you or something, but you kept making it impossible for me to progress into it and into farther.
It was weird, I kept thinking about telling you but the conversation was always somewhere else.
I'll probably tell you today or something.
I don't know.

I don't know what's going on.

Well, on a side note;
'Bout to go get some free breakfast from Nick's hotel.
Hellzz to da yeeee.

Why do I talk like I'm talking to someone?
Who is going to even read this?
If anyone even gets close, they'll read the first little bit, get tired of the bitchin' and ditch.
Oh well, I just need to express my thoughts.

I guess the only thing left to say;
is I love you.
Regardless of how you feel towards me I always will.