Insane.

It's crazy to think about everything we went through,
all the secrets we told, all the things we knew.
How much we believed we loved each other.
I threw away everyone else for you on so many different occasions.
And you did the same.
You were everything to me, somehow.
I don't even understand how it did manage to get as far as it did.
How I managed to care about you so much.
I feel so naive looking back.
But it all helped me in the end.
It made me a better man, at least in my mind.
I have a good life now I guess you could say.
At least, to a point. It's not all great at all, but it's better to be positive.
But I'll always, always miss you.

Except now, you're pregnant.
With someone's child.
A twenty-four year old that won't do shit.
I don't understand why that makes me so angry,
but it does.
That's not fair for a man to do that to you.
At least I know you will have things under control.
Despite being in and out of the hospital so much recently,
I know you will.
Hopefully this child doesn't mess up things with school.
You need to be able to do something with your life.
You've been undermined by everything your entire life,
and you've survived it all.
So it's clear you'll survive school, and work, and the hospital trips, and the baby.
I've got my faith.
And despite you not having the same faith I do, I'll pray for you.
Just like I always have.

I'll always consider you a blessing in my life.
But I'm glad we don't speak, to an extent.
I'll always be there when you need something, anything.
But I can't let you become too important again.
it would only further complicate everything I have going on.
Even though you usually just help me with everything,
it's best.

I'd still like to see the tattoo.
And I hope your nieces are doing well and are growing brighter and brighter each day.
I hope you are as well.
I'll always miss you and care about you, like I have said.
But;
Goodbye, for now.

Eyeless, I see.

A broken man with a broken mind,
Torn down to the very bone of his knees.
"What do I do, what do I do when everything has turned on me?"
Lies cast upon his bare back, blame cast upon the innocent.
How dare you do so much as show your face to the one you spit on.
You are the catalyst. You are the one who did this.
Can you not see this man, despite the compassion he has for you,
must do what's best for his life.
Which means keeping you at bay.
You took the swing full of hate, for no fucking reason.
A mind with no place to turn, because of your own undermining ways.
You are a killer.
I thank God that this man is so much as still a living being,
With how far you drove him to the brink.
The brink of corruption.
Luckily there was enough realization to keep his mind steady.
The pinnacle of a man drawn to his lowest point.
You make me hate the human race so much more.
You're lucky you were even given half the chances you did,
yet you soiled them all.
Stop cutting down one that holds status so far above you.
You're lying just to create an equilibrium between your misery and him,
because you know he will be happier.
Because you KNOW he deserves more than what you have given or have to offer.
Give it up you fake mother fucker.
Fuck. You.



It's amazing how words can cause so much pain.
How just a few words can hurt more than a full swung fist.
How words can cause such a tremendous breakdown.
Fuck the human race, we're all corrupt.

This is seriously the best thing, ever.

My head is pounding.

That is the hardest thing I've ever had to think through.
But I am completely certain of this.
I can see it, so clearly now.

What do I really want?

What do I see in the future?
What do I not want to give up?

This going to be hard, I believe this will be another night of little sleep.

I;

I spent my night staring at the ceiling.
What the fuck did I just do?

I'm such a fucking prick.

I really am.

I don't deserve shit.